Tag Archives: romance

Time For Some Non-Fiction Perhaps

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Letters to Kyle

So I had a new book idea. It will be non fiction. My first one. I got the idea after I had starting writing letters to a guy I was talking to after he left the area. In them are all the things I wanted to say but didn’t have the words to say face to face so I started writing him letters. Letters he will never see. Letters that show him all of me and not just the outside. These letters express my deepest desires and fears. It’s kind of like a diary but instead of talking to myself I’m talking to him. I’m debating if it’s something I would want to share with the world. It’s a true account inside my head and the things I’m constantly daydreaming about because my mind is always playing out some future scenario. I can’t seem to shut it off. I guess that’s one of the side effects of having a creative mind. Maybe idk I just made that up. Anyway it’s only ten letters so far and I’m not sure how many I will write since we barely talk anymore anyway and I really need to work on moving on anyway. I mean is it creepy to write letters to a guy you’re no longer close to anyway? I guess these things can’t be rushed. Feelings and emotions have a mind all their own. No one knows the moment when words no longer have a hold on your heart. I like the concept of an in depth look into how my mind works regardless. I may be the future Psychologist in me. I’m always thinking. I constantly live my life in the fiction, what if, scenarios. It’s high time I plant my feet firmly on the ground and join the living. I can fantasize all day but perhaps taking a leap into the non-fiction side of writing could be fun. I already do it with poetry anyway since that’s as real as my writing can get. My poetry is an extension of me anyway. I’ll leave you with my favorite Starbucks drink.

 

Passion Fruit Tea Lemonade
Passion Fruit Tea Lemonade

I Just Want To Runaway

Green Eyes

 

So I thought to myself you can write a book and you can write a poem. Why not a song? Well let me tell you, it’s not as easy as people make it look. I kept wanting to rhyme things like it was a poem and I guess it’s a story but much shorter and it can say many different things depending on what one feels when they read/hear it. It’s played to a beat only I can hear because I’m not a music maker. Just a writer who tried to play her hand at being a song writer. Don’t know if it will ever be a Grammy winner because even though I can sing I’m not all about the spot light of being a performer. I just like to write. Well here it is in all it’s glory saying whatever it needs to say to whoever it needs to say it to. Maybe one day I’ll write another one but for now I’ll stick to novels and poetry.

 

I Just Want To Runaway

Verse 1:

Look into the mirror, don’t like what I see

Why is it that people seem to always count on me

One foot out the doorway, I just want to runaway

From the hurt

From the lies

From the tears I’ve cried inside

From all the pain

If it’s all the same

I’ll never love again

 

Chorus:

I just want to runaway

I don’t want to fight today

This pain inside

I just want to hide away

I just want to runaway

I want all this hurt to wash away

My tears

Time to face my deepest fears

 

Verse 2:

Look into my heart, do you see the scars

Nothing you can do or say would make them go away

Picking up the pieces, wanting to start brand new

From the hurt

From the lies

From the screaming of my soul

Loud and clear

I just want you near

How do I make you hear?

 

Chorus:

I just want to runaway

I don’t want to fight today

This pain inside

I just want to hide away

I just want to runaway

I want all this hurt to wash away

My tears

Time to face my deepest fears

 

Bridge:

But when it’s all said and done

The damage has been done

All the loneliness has stolen my breath away

How to make you stay?

Still you walk away

From me

Never to return

The damage has been done

 

Chorus:

I just want to runaway

I don’t want to fight today

This pain inside

I just want to hide away

I just want to runaway

I want all this hurt to wash away

My tears

Time to face my deepest fears

I just want to runaway

I don’t want to fight today

This pain inside

I just want to hide away

I just want to runaway

I wag all this hurt to wash away

My tears

Time to face my deepest fears

 

©November 14, 2013. All rights reserved.

How to know when it’s time to let go?

This is the question I find myself asking a lot lately. Whether it’s a friendship no matter how long or short or a guy/girl you’re talking to. How much do you put up with? How long do you put up with it? I guess it’s not an easy answer. It depends on the individual and the situation. Nothing is ever black or white. It’s not even shades of grey. It’s reds, blues, or greens thrown in there too. What do you say to the person who doesn’t want to talk to you? Do you just let a relationship just go out like a candle or do you try? What does is say about you if you do nothing? Are you giving up or are you moving on? Like love and hate the line could be considered pretty thin. Why try to hold on to something that wants to be set free. Mariah Carey sang “wild horses run unbridled or their spirit dies”. When you’re younger you listen to music but sometimes you don’t really understand what’s being said until you live a little more and you come to certain crossroads in your own life that it clicks. No one wants to be known as the person who clipped someone else’s wings. Stood in the way of their dreams. So you let them go even when it hurts to breathe and the mention of their name still manages to bring you to your knees.

So you delete the number out of your phone to keep yourself from sending stupid messages or calling because you’ve had one too many drinks but it still doesn’t fill the hole in your heart. Everything else pales in comparison next to them and everything else seems second best. You can’t be around certain things because it reminds you of the pain. I know what you’re saying, “There are more important things in the world to worry about” but no one knows your struggles but you. Heartbreak can incapacitate just as easily as any physical ailment. The heart and mind can lead the body to places we didn’t think we can go. People can sometimes keep going when their bodies want to stop but not so much when your mind and heart are wanting to quit.

Echoes Of A Lonely Heart

Posted this a couple weeks back. Finally found the words to finish it. My poetry always seems to take on a tortured theme. Oh well.

I’m standing in this open place
Wishing you would share a space with me
Close as can be
But yet so far away from me
I just want to hold your hand
But all you did was pull away from me
I reach out my hand to touch your face
But you slap my hand away
I go to stand right next to you
But you quickly walk away
What did I do to make you act this way
Was it maybe something I said or did
Doing my best to ease the pain
That starts to spread inside me
My heart begins to slow its beat
From the mental and physical ways you’ve pushed me aside
My soul tries to reach out to yours
With no answer in return
And all I hear around me
Are the echoes of my lonely heart

Great Wood Work

Plaque Poem

A friend of mine Jessica is making these lovely wood plaques. She makes them in all shapes and sizes with just about anything you can think of. This is the one she did for me of my poem “Dance The Dance”. I am in love with this beautiful rendition of art work. My poem seems so much more amazing than it really is. If you want to see more of her work or to request a piece done for yourself her Facebook page link is https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rumph-Rustic-Designs/619291941425515. Go over and like her page and check out her other works.

New Poem

Well started a new poem. It’s not finished but a work in progress but I like where it’s going so far. It doesn’t have a title yet either.

 

I’m standing in this open place

Wishing you would share a space with me

Close as can be

But yet so far away from me

I just want to hold your hand

But all you did was pull away from me

I reach out my hand to touch your face

But you slap my hand away

I go to stand right next to you

But you quickly walk away

What did I do to make you act this way

Was it maybe something I said

Dance The Dance

Update:

The poem now has a title

Dance The Dance

Saw a pair of blue eyes today
And in them part of my future
His lips so soft upon my own
His tongue a part of my body
Molded to him like he is my very own
Two parts of one whole
Looking upon his face while on my knees
Laid out for me to see everything
Touching
Tasting
Smelling
Committing everything to memory
Longing for every touch and word
Face lit up with wonder
How to make this man my own
This is one of the many things I wonder
Fire blazing from every place you touch and kiss me
He guides his head between my legs
Burying himself above me
Time stops for what seems like forever
And then he begins to move
Dancing the dance of lovers’ tunes
While I enjoy the music only we can hear

Random Excerpt 6

Well I haven’t posted an excerpt in awhile. I’m pretty much finished with the book. It just seems like I’m missing something, that’s why I haven’t published it yet. In all honesty I’m afraid but whatever. Here’s another piece of the puzzle.

 

WARNING ADULT LANGUAGE MUST BE OVER 18

***UNEDITED***

 

Chapter 6

“Mom?”

Hm. The door isn’t locked… that can’t be good, Krista thought. She had no idea what happened here, but she knew her mother would have never left the door open.

“Krista, upstairs! Hurry! We have to cover this up and get the hell out of here before something else happens. Did you bring me some clothes?”

“Yeah, I have a bag with everything we need.” Jenny breathed a sigh of relief. That’s her girl! She knew she could count on her. She just wished she didn’t need it this instant. Jenny had already showered so she threw on what Krista brought over and they worked hard to rid all traces of her presence.

“Holy shit! You really don’t remember what happened, Mom? There is a lot of freaking blood. Not to mention the viciousness of the attack. I mean the bodies are in seriously bad shape. Like an animal ripped them apart. There is no way you could have done this. Why is it that you don’t remember what happened when you were right here?”

“That’s what I’ve been sitting here trying to find out. This doesn’t make any sense. Who would do something like this but leave me alive?”

“I don’t know Mom, but maybe someone wanted you to know that they were here or…”

“Or fucking what? I don’t speak to anyone outside of work and you know it. There’s the occasional feeding to curb my hunger, but that’s it. Why the fuck would someone want me to see this bullshit?

Well that was a good question, wasn’t it? It was a question no one had the answers to right now. Krista snapped a few more photos and they made sure to cover up any traces of Jenny ever being here. Then they got the hell out of dodge.

“Mom, look; I met my mates last night so maybe they can help. One is a Dylia and the other is a Hyjia. Yes I know it’s weird but that’s the way it happened. Let’s go to the pack lands and tell them what’s going on. Maybe they will have some answers.”

Just great. Jenny did not want to deal with this right now. A freaking pack. This was just a bunch of problems waiting to happen. “Sure, sweetie. Why the hell not? Congratulations as well. I’m going to rest my eyes. Wake me when we get there, ok?”

“Ok Mom. Don’t worry, we will figure everything out. Taz and Nathan may have a place to start.”

Hopefully someone knew something because Jenny had not a clue about anything anymore. She had killed her family years ago and fled without a word. No one could know she was here. She hadn’t seen or heard from another Mystic since that day besides her daughter. So just who was this prick who was trying to make her go insane? When she found whoever it was she was going to make them wish they were never born. No one fucked with Jennifer Johnston and lived to tell the tale. Her family was proof of that.

***

 “Taz, just calm down. Everything will be okay. Everyone’s emotions are all over the place right now. Give him a few days. He’s your friend and Beta. Just let him cool down.” Nathan was trying his best to calm Taz down after the debacle at his Betas’ house. What the hell was all that about anyway? He would never understand wolves and their petty dominance games. A good Alpha would understand his Beta’s concerns over Mystics. The whole supernatural community avoided them like lepers and Nathan did as well before he met his Nyhiya, Krista. She confused him because she was nothing like the Mystics he was told about. The only thing that kept him from running the other way when he smelled her was the fact that she was his mate. If she were just a random Mystic he would have high-tailed it and ran as fast as he could to somewhere she wasn’t. All the Mystics he had the displeasure of running into before were nasty, vicious, inbred bastards. So he totally got where the Betas were coming from. Taser seriously could have handled the rejection better.

“Well excuse the fuck out of me! He had no right to speak to me that way. I am his Alpha. Not the other way around. Yes, he is a stronger Alpha than me but he chose to follow, not to lead. So if I tell him to jump, I want to hear him ask how fucking high.”

“Are you done or you want to keep being an asshole?” Nathan hissed sharply. He was getting annoyed. Did he mention he really hated dominance games? Shit was getting old. “Have you ever met a Mystic before Krista? No? Well I have, and I totally understand Jackson’s reaction. It was the proper reaction where normal people are concerned. People are afraid of them and with good fucking reason. I’ve run into a few myself and I can tell you for sure that Krista may be a Mystic but she is far from being anything like her brethren. She may have some of the characteristics and mannerisms but she is not like those psychopaths. So take a fucking chill pill before you lose your friends, pack mates, and Betas. If that ends up happening, being ‘the Alpha’ won’t mean shit.”

Let him chew on that for a few. Maybe by the time they reached the pack house he would have pulled his head out of his ass. Hopefully he would have a clear head and stop all that “I am Alpha, hear me howl” nonsense. Nathan didn’t want to have to lay the smack down on his mate this early into their mating. Bad enough he’s not getting to enjoy the mating heat at all, with one mate running off first thing this morning, and the second slowly losing his mind. Freaking wolves. Why couldn’t they be more laid back like the Hyjia? Guess all races can’t be as awesome as his now, can they?