Tag Archives: ramblings

100 Things in 1000 Days!!

Okay, I’ve finally got my 100 things down and I’m ready!! My start date was Sept 11, 2017 and my end date is June 8, 2020. I’m so excited to start everything! So here is my list… I’ll update this post as I complete them!

  1. Get a penpal
  2. Go to Disney
  3. Learn Japanese
  4. Write 3 books outside of NaNo
  5. Participate in NaNo in 2017, 2018, and 2019
  6. Rewatch Supernatural from the beginning
  7. Rewatch Law & Order: SVU from the beginning
  8. Catch up on Game of Thrones
  9. Get my own apartment
  10. Move from the South
  11. Don’t cut my hair before the 1001 days except for a trim
  12. Start a book club
  13. Start the event planning business with Jessica
  14. Spend no more than $50 a month on random expenses except certain exceptions
  15. Do healthy eating and work out twice a year until 1001 days is over
  16. Read at least 50 books a year
  17. Save $1000 a year in 2018, 2019, 2020
  18. Make $1500 a month with my books in 2018, 2019, 2020
  19. Finish Snap Shot with LM Adams
  20. Get a passport
  21. Go to Japan for 2 weeks in 2020 if I have $5500 saved up
  22. Dedicate one room to a library
  23. Dedicate one room to an office/craft space
  24. Go back to San Diego
  25. Go back to NYC
  26. Visit Atlantic City
  27. Rewatch One Tree Hill from the beginning
  28. Try 5 new restaurants
  29. Read 10 classics I’ve not read
  30. Blog about my 101 things in 1001 days as they are completed
  31. Post more on my author social media
  32. Have a party for my 35th bday
  33. Volunteer somewhere
  34. Do a video series for my reader’s group on my writing process (upload to youtube later/maybe instagram)
  35. Learn Spanish
  36. Learn 150 new words a year
  37. Make 2 new friends
  38. Read a new to me author 5 times
  39. Have 30 black out me days/no social media in 2018, 2019, 2020
  40. Try 10 new foods
  41. Make 10 new foods
  42. Go to the Wicked play again
  43. See a ballet
  44. Get rid of credit card debt
  45. Have 4 no spend months a year in 2018, 2019, 2020
  46. Take a creative writing course
  47. Take James Patterson’s master class
  48. Go to 3 weekend trips
  49. Go to Mardi Gras
  50. Leave a 100% tip
  51. Finish KAT: Encounters of a Man Whore shorts
  52. Start and finish the Petty Chronicles shorts
  53. Gain 1500 followers a year on my social medias (FB, Twitter, NL, Insta, Blog)
  54. Take Rebecca Hamiliton’s one on one coaching course
  55. Do another Charmed Legacy book (this time by myself) – save $2000
  56. Grow at least 3 herbs
  57. Write a letter to myself, open at end of 1001 days
  58. Take a picture a day (random pics) for one month
  59. Send a care package to someone 2018, 2019, 2020
  60. Get all A’s in next 4 classes
  61. Make cake pops
  62. Take a cooking class
  63. Make a homemade pizza
  64. Learn to French braid
  65. Put $10 in savings for each goal finished
  66. Show up at the airport and take the next flight out
  67. Do my hair in a new style once a week for 2 months
  68. Get a mani with my nieces
  69. Set up a patreon keep active for at least 6 months
  70. Get life insurance
  71. Make a new will
  72. Fly First Class
  73. Buy the person’s food behind me in a drive through
  74. Donate $2 for each failed thing on this list
  75. Do another book signing in Vegas/explore this time
  76. Design and make one custom dress
  77. Edit my own videos
  78. Pay off Toyota
  79. Donate to toys for tots twice
  80. Be in a serious relationship
  81. Write a piece for a magazine/be featured in a magazine
  82. Win a writing prize
  83. Teach someone how to do something new
  84. Attend a book signing as a reader
  85. A video a day for one month
  86. Query a book to a publisher
  87. Record the song I wrote
  88. Write an hour a day for 30 days 3 times
  89. Send 3 random readers a swag pack
  90. Host a huge giveaway for my 5 year publishing anniversary – Dec 6, 2018
  91. Spend 2 weeks with Gavin and Cris again
  92. Wake up by 8 2 weeks in a row
  93. Read all the unread books on my bookshelf
  94. Finish Dark Indiscretions insider’s guide
  95. Knit a blanket
  96. Make a dessert from scratch
  97. Host a dinner party with fancy food and ppl dress up
  98. Sell 10 paperbacks a year 2018, 2019, 2020
  99. Rewrite/expand And So She Waited
  100.  Get in a boxed set
  101. Blog post about 101 things overall experience

So here they are in all their glory. Are you doing the challenge? Let me know in the comments!!

It’s been a while!

I know I know… so many crazy things have happened in the past year. Can’t believe it’s been 8 months since I’ve updated my blog. I plan to change that very soon. I will be doing more writing of course but I also recently started bullet journaling, taking a lettering classes and I plan to participate in the 101 things in 1001 days challenge. I will be making a post about that and I will be making an update post about my writing. I plan to do a series during NaNo this year and I hope you all follow along on my journey. I won’t give away spoilers for the project I’ll be working on during NaNo but I will post a picture of the amazing cover… Talk to you all next week 🙂

Late Night Musings #2

#‎latenightmusings‬

I was never taught to love myself. All the different parts of me that make me unique. I was never taught to be unapologetically flawed. Many days I’m not sure how I’ve made it this far… the self-hate was debilitating. Everyday I painted a smile on my face and got up to face another day. When all the while I was dying inside. Death was eating away at every part of me. I lived in fear constantly. Sleeping with knives under my pillow. Thinking tonight would be the night it all ended. Startled out of my sleep by the sound of shouting. I remember feeling as if my heart would beat out of my chest. I remember thinking someone may die tonight. I remember thinking why is it always me? Why am I the one putting myself in danger to make sure nothing permanent happens?

Why doesn’t anyone see the lies behind my smile? The violence just under the surface? Locking myself in my room didn’t help to quite the voices. Locking myself in my room didn’t make what was going on go away. When most people think of abuse they think of the physical but no one recognizes that sometimes the emotional abuse is a pill much harder to swallow. For years I hated my existence. I didn’t understand why my family life wasn’t perfect. I didn’t understand why it seemed like the walls were closing in on me. I grew up before I should have. Surprised a lot of the pain. The shame. The misery. The hate I have is still strong… it’s still pure. What happens when you don’t feel safe at home… the one place you should above all others? What happens when grown men try to force themselves on you and you feel you have nowhere but to turn? I was never taught to love myself so I went searching for it in all the wrong places. It’s hard to dispel the cycle. It’s hard to remove yourself from the continuous loop. It’s hard to break the silence. I should have left.

I stared death in the face a time or two and I’m surprised I’m still here. I was threatened in high school. Told I would be tossed out a two-story window… in the place I was supposed to feel safe. Loved. Protected. Instead I felt fear. Hopelessness. Rage. Why would you let your child endure such hardships? Why would you stay? Most importantly why the hell did I?

Late Night Musings #1

#‎latenightmusings‬

If love were to stare me in the face tomorrow, I’m not sure I’d recognize it. I am broken in more ways then I can count. For years I’ve been searching for a love I’m no longer sure exists or is attainable. I want it all… The late night conversations, curling around one another like different parts of the same whole, and being so ingrained in each other’s hearts that they beat as one. A love strong enough to withstand the sands of time. Is that so much to ask for? Have I sinned to the point of becoming undeserving? I feel sorrow deep within me for things I’ve never really had but miss deeply.

I’ve always felt too deeply. I jump in with both feet and try to kick my way to the surface after but I am drowning. When I should be wallowing in the shallow end I’m neck deep in emotions… emotions I should have shielded myself from feeling. How can one love so deeply yet not understand the basic concept of the word? Jealousy stabs at my soul like a thousand needles. The tiny pinpricks consuming me and making me feel ashamed. I am damaged… sometimes I fear it is beyond repair. Man was not meant to walk this world alone. The one that balances the dark within you roams just as lost as you are without them.

Just once I’d like to feel… something. Anything. But then again feeling anything is what led me to this place of in between I currently reside in now. I just want to be held. Comforted in much the same way as a newborn babe… made to feel warm. Safe. Loved. What have I not learned yet that basic human companionship has been denied me for so long? In what ways have I been lacking? I have so much to give and yet I feel empty. My heart cries out for one that I cannot find… maybe will never find in time. I have tossed myself into the fire many times even though I always get burned. One would think my skin had become thick and impenetrable but still the claws of madness are able to get in.

It’s as if I’m always looking through the glass and my happy is just out of reach on the other side. What I wouldn’t give to touch it… even briefly. Real love is hard to find. The feeling of being lost inside another but yet separate. Sharing everything no matter what. What have I done? And how do I right the wrongs I’ve obviously committed?

NaNo Starts Tomorrow

Whelp NaNoMoWri starts tomorrow and I think this pantser is about ready to start…I have a little bit of the first chapter of the project I’m starting done and I have a Scrivener document with a bunch of notes and what not rearing and ready to go…this is my first one and I’m excited and nervous at the same time. Add in the fact that I’ve not written anything in about a month so we will see how this goes…my novel is called Phoenix Awakening and my nano name is b3arcat26 if anyone wants to add me as a writing buddy…

 

So who else is writing a novel in November? Any ideas or suggestions?

And lastly Happy Halloween people! It’s my favorite time of year 🙂

So Many Changes

As I’ve finished yet another two classes on my way to my BA in Psychology I can’t help but feel excited. One class to go which starts May 5 and I am in there. Recently I also took a CLEP for Public Speaking so I could complete my military degree in Logistics so I also am now the proud owner of an AA degree as well! It feels good. So many changes, good ones, and I couldn’t be happier. As I transition from military to civilian life it seems all my little ducks are getting in a row. Received great news on the condo I’m buying, we are progressing along nicely with that, was accepted to one of the grad schools I applied for, and I’ve been getting job offers left and right so I am so grateful for that. It’s one less thing I will have to stress about since I will be moving to a new place and meeting new faces. My career as an author is going pretty well, I just published my second book April 15th and I’m working on the third. The story is still flowing and I’m grateful that it is. I hope that as I grow as an author my story reflects all that I’m learning. So as I get ready for my last full week in the United States Air Force and take a week break before I start my last class, I’ve declared this weekend a lazy one. May you all have a great weekend as I know I will by either curling up with a good book/s and watching movies and TV shows!

 

To close what do you think of my new logo for my Dark Indiscretions Series? It was designed by Amb Aija Monique.

Check out her stuff she is awesome 🙂

RED MOON TWO

I've been thinking…

I know, I know. What the hell is running through my brain now, right? Well publishers. That’s been running through my brain. Should I or shouldn’t I. We all know being an indie author and self pubbed can get a bit pricey. I’m not really worried about the cost. There are always work arounds for everything. I just want everyone to take the crazy twist filled journey of my series with me. Plus I think it would be a great opportunity. Only thing is I don’t want to be censored. What do I mean? Well I don’t want to write what I think is a kick ass book, only to be told nope. Redo it. Take it out. Fix it. Publishing myself I can write how I see it. I’m not confined to a box or someone else’s interests. But sometimes I think a few more doors would open up if I had of tried to at least submit my book to a publisher first. Maybe. Possibly. I don’t really know. I’m not an expert. I’m not going to school for this. This is just a random musing from my head. I’m 99% sure everything I write will be sled published but I still dream of maybe one day something I write will be picked up by a publisher and they will love it as it is. Until then I’m going to continue working on my Dark Indiscretions Series, my short story Rumspringa (which I need to make a page for 🙂 ), and this new idea I have that doesn’t have enough detail yet for me to talk about but as big as it is I plan to make it one huge stand alone novel. It’s going to be the biggest thing I’ve ever done and I’m scared, nervous, and excited. I can tell you that it’s called Sacrifice Broken and like anything I do it’s not the norm at all. I’m putting my own touch of flare on the supernatural creatures that we all love. It’s going to be on a whole new level of awesomeness all straight from my never turned off brain. I can’t wait until it fleshed out more and I can talk about it. I’m still building right now. It’s fun. This weekend I plan to redesign my blog so stay tune!!! Oh and don’t forget Dark Indiscretions is FREE today <3.

In the words of Indie Arie, " don't be offended this is all my opinion ain't nothing that I'm saying law."

I’ve been thinking…

I know, I know. What the hell is running through my brain now, right? Well publishers. That’s been running through my brain. Should I or shouldn’t I. We all know being an indie author and self pubbed can get a bit pricey. I’m not really worried about the cost. There are always work arounds for everything. I just want everyone to take the crazy twist filled journey of my series with me. Plus I think it would be a great opportunity. Only thing is I don’t want to be censored. What do I mean? Well I don’t want to write what I think is a kick ass book, only to be told nope. Redo it. Take it out. Fix it. Publishing myself I can write how I see it. I’m not confined to a box or someone else’s interests. But sometimes I think a few more doors would open up if I had of tried to at least submit my book to a publisher first. Maybe. Possibly. I don’t really know. I’m not an expert. I’m not going to school for this. This is just a random musing from my head. I’m 99% sure everything I write will be sled published but I still dream of maybe one day something I write will be picked up by a publisher and they will love it as it is. Until then I’m going to continue working on my Dark Indiscretions Series, my short story Rumspringa (which I need to make a page for 🙂 ), and this new idea I have that doesn’t have enough detail yet for me to talk about but as big as it is I plan to make it one huge stand alone novel. It’s going to be the biggest thing I’ve ever done and I’m scared, nervous, and excited. I can tell you that it’s called Sacrifice Broken and like anything I do it’s not the norm at all. I’m putting my own touch of flare on the supernatural creatures that we all love. It’s going to be on a whole new level of awesomeness all straight from my never turned off brain. I can’t wait until it fleshed out more and I can talk about it. I’m still building right now. It’s fun. This weekend I plan to redesign my blog so stay tune!!! Oh and don’t forget Dark Indiscretions is FREE today <3.

In the words of Indie Arie, " don't be offended this is all my opinion ain't nothing that I'm saying law."