Time For Some Non-Fiction Perhaps

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Letters to Kyle

So I had a new book idea. It will be non fiction. My first one. I got the idea after I had starting writing letters to a guy I was talking to after he left the area. In them are all the things I wanted to say but didn’t have the words to say face to face so I started writing him letters. Letters he will never see. Letters that show him all of me and not just the outside. These letters express my deepest desires and fears. It’s kind of like a diary but instead of talking to myself I’m talking to him. I’m debating if it’s something I would want to share with the world. It’s a true account inside my head and the things I’m constantly daydreaming about because my mind is always playing out some future scenario. I can’t seem to shut it off. I guess that’s one of the side effects of having a creative mind. Maybe idk I just made that up. Anyway it’s only ten letters so far and I’m not sure how many I will write since we barely talk anymore anyway and I really need to work on moving on anyway. I mean is it creepy to write letters to a guy you’re no longer close to anyway? I guess these things can’t be rushed. Feelings and emotions have a mind all their own. No one knows the moment when words no longer have a hold on your heart. I like the concept of an in depth look into how my mind works regardless. I may be the future Psychologist in me. I’m always thinking. I constantly live my life in the fiction, what if, scenarios. It’s high time I plant my feet firmly on the ground and join the living. I can fantasize all day but perhaps taking a leap into the non-fiction side of writing could be fun. I already do it with poetry anyway since that’s as real as my writing can get. My poetry is an extension of me anyway. I’ll leave you with my favorite Starbucks drink.

 

Passion Fruit Tea Lemonade
Passion Fruit Tea Lemonade

I Just Want To Runaway

Green Eyes

 

So I thought to myself you can write a book and you can write a poem. Why not a song? Well let me tell you, it’s not as easy as people make it look. I kept wanting to rhyme things like it was a poem and I guess it’s a story but much shorter and it can say many different things depending on what one feels when they read/hear it. It’s played to a beat only I can hear because I’m not a music maker. Just a writer who tried to play her hand at being a song writer. Don’t know if it will ever be a Grammy winner because even though I can sing I’m not all about the spot light of being a performer. I just like to write. Well here it is in all it’s glory saying whatever it needs to say to whoever it needs to say it to. Maybe one day I’ll write another one but for now I’ll stick to novels and poetry.

 

I Just Want To Runaway

Verse 1:

Look into the mirror, don’t like what I see

Why is it that people seem to always count on me

One foot out the doorway, I just want to runaway

From the hurt

From the lies

From the tears I’ve cried inside

From all the pain

If it’s all the same

I’ll never love again

 

Chorus:

I just want to runaway

I don’t want to fight today

This pain inside

I just want to hide away

I just want to runaway

I want all this hurt to wash away

My tears

Time to face my deepest fears

 

Verse 2:

Look into my heart, do you see the scars

Nothing you can do or say would make them go away

Picking up the pieces, wanting to start brand new

From the hurt

From the lies

From the screaming of my soul

Loud and clear

I just want you near

How do I make you hear?

 

Chorus:

I just want to runaway

I don’t want to fight today

This pain inside

I just want to hide away

I just want to runaway

I want all this hurt to wash away

My tears

Time to face my deepest fears

 

Bridge:

But when it’s all said and done

The damage has been done

All the loneliness has stolen my breath away

How to make you stay?

Still you walk away

From me

Never to return

The damage has been done

 

Chorus:

I just want to runaway

I don’t want to fight today

This pain inside

I just want to hide away

I just want to runaway

I want all this hurt to wash away

My tears

Time to face my deepest fears

I just want to runaway

I don’t want to fight today

This pain inside

I just want to hide away

I just want to runaway

I wag all this hurt to wash away

My tears

Time to face my deepest fears

 

©November 14, 2013. All rights reserved.

I just wanted to know my future!!

Week After 29th Bday

For weeks I had contemplated going to a psychic for a reading. I looked in the yellow pages for a place near by. Saw a name and a number but no address. So I put the thought out of my mind. A few weeks go by and I finally take my background check paperwork to the local big brother big sister place but instead of going back the way I came to go home (I’m the worse with directions). I use my phone to find they faster right because I’m not that far away and I would have taken much longer getting home going back the way I came. So I’m driving home and I see the sign for the psychic I found in the yellow pages. I call no answer so I head home but she calls me back and can see me that day. I believe it is a sigh that I need to go here. So for $80 dollars she reads my life in a crystal ball. Some of the intuition was spot on. She needs to meditate on what she saw in the ball. $200 will supply what she needs. Ok I’m intrigued. She has me write something for her at home and has me bring it back the next day. I do she reveals more of the story as she sees it. Ok I’m confused and don’t really know what to think. She tells me to speak of my reading to no one. That’s cool it’s my business. She has me write again and bring her an object from my past because apparently I’ve been cursed as a small child and she needs to meditate some more. Ok. I bring it back the next day. This time she tells me I need to put water in a clear jar. Shower with it in the bathroom. Put 9 $50 bills arranged in a cross over the top and secure it. Wrap the jar in a black shirt and put it under my bed and bring it to her during lunch time. Pause. By this time I’m like that’s $450 dollars of my money that she wants me to just drop off at her house to lift a curse I’m not even sure I believe exists. No. I don’t call her anymore. She told me she was doing GOD’s work. Mm sure. After I didn’t call she called me. I didn’t answer and needless to say I haven’t heard from her since. If she was doing someone else’s work why did she give up contacting me so easily? I mean she didn’t even leave a message. Now don’t get me wrong I believe in the impossible but I just was no longer feeling it. After you’re told you won’t take money for the Lord’s work you only needed it for the meditation materials then turn around three days later and think I was going to drop a jar of water with $450 wrapped around it to you…are you serious??

Did she says some things that got me thinking? Yes. Was it worth more of my money? No. I just wanted to know my future. Not hear about a voodoo black magic curse some jealous person from my past had placed on me as a small child. WTF? Who does that anyway? Placing curses on children because you don’t want them to shine or whatever other whack job reason you tell yourself. I read somewhere that curses can only hold power over you if you believe them to be true and other places say they don’t exist. Just like with everything in this world there is someone for and against the argument. Personally I think people want such things to be real. I don’t know what I believe but I knew I wasn’t taking that jar with pretty much half of my paycheck wrapped around it anywhere. I had things to do and bills to pay.

But seriously I will never forget the words spoken to me when she described how the curse was place nor will I ever speak them out loud as long as I live. So days and memories just stay with you and that is one that will forever be with me. Moral of the story: No one really needs to know their future. You may hear some really messed up stuff.